I mean deeply, totally and wholeheartedly hated? Like Osama bin Laden hated?
I am that hated by my ex-husband and his family.
My divorce was finalized in 2004. After that, he appealed his settlement to the Washington State Court of appeals. That took 2 more years and many thousands of dollars. After he did not win the appeal, he took the matter to the Washington State Supreme Court. Again, more time, and much more money. I had no choice but to fight. But I did not file my own appeals or requests. I simply responded to his arguments, which I was legally obligated to do.
And, in May of 2007, the Washington State Supreme Court, in its' infinite wisdom, decided there was no constitutionally compelling reason to hear the case of a simple divorce, with no children and no money involved.
The question was over the issue of jurisdiction. His argument was that I was not within my legal rights to file for divorce in Washington State, after he had asked me for a divorce, demanded I move out of our home, and I found a job back home in Seattle. I moved across the country from Cleveland and negotiated for a settlement through my Seattle attorney.
During the required face-to-face mediation, my attorney served him with divorce papers by hand. He had already been served by mail, but this was a legal formality that had to be carried out.
That's when he got mad. And that, I think, is when the hating began. But I'll never know for sure. Because I have been cut out of his life, and the life of his family forever. Even though his mother said we could resume our conversations after the divorce was over, she changed her mind and did not respond to my notes.
I have to let it all go. I know that. Most days I don't think about it. But I wonder about his sister. What happened to Lizzy?
During the trial, it was the one conversation we had. I asked how Lizzy was, in July of 2004, and Andy said "she's fine". That's all we said to each other.
But I'm worried. Like Andy, Lizzy, too, had a heart transplant. She was 2 at the time, and when I last saw her, she was 20 and doing well. When she was a teenager, she had a kidney transplant received from her father. Her kidney was damaged because of all the years of anti-rejection medication for her transplanted heart.
I have seen the Facebook pages of a few of Andy's friends, and of one relative, and Lizzy is not on their lists of friends. But her good friend from school is listed as a contact. Andy has blocked me from seeing his list of friends on Facebook.
I hope Lizzy is doing OK. If she's not, please let me know.
Divorce is awful. It rips up hearts and souls and families and hopes and dreams and lives.
I forgave Andy a long time ago. I will always wish him well. I am sorry I am so hated and shut out by him and his family.
But if that's the way it has to be, what choice do I have?
It is time to put all of this aside and move on. I know there is love and life out there.
I don't hate him. I miss his family. I wish them well.
